Wednesday, October 29, 2008
OH: I looked in online chat rooms quite a bit, something that in my normal day-to-day life I never do. I looked at hundreds of blogs and hundreds of websites. Blogs in particular were incredibly useful, especially blogs written by teenagers and college students. I found the language just wonderfully inventive and interesting. In some cases, I came across words and structures that I didn't quite understand, and so I would then Google them in isolation and find other instances of them. Occasionally I'd ask some of my younger friends what these things meant until I felt like I'd nailed the meanings.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
No, wait. Indigestion is doing my blogging! I shouldn't blog after woofing down a lunch of soup that came in a can for $1.35. (Wow, that's expensive cheap soup!)
Caribou Barbie indeed.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
WOOT, INC. INTERNAL EMAIL
STAFF EYES ONLY
Attention Woot employees -
We are now entering the final phase of preparations for the Woot-Off planned for midnight tonight. This is when we depart from our usual deal-a-day model and sell one product after another, offering a new deal as soon as the previous one sells out. For some reason, Woot members like jrome continue to have high expectations for this event. We must make every effort to ensure that they feel disappointed and betrayed.
All workers should be physically and mentally straining to make this Woot-Off a success, like every muscle in a wolf's body strains to capture and devour its prey. We expect total compliance with the following objectives:
* Make sure the stables are thoroughly cleaned and the horses properly groomed and shod. As you know, Commander Rutledge prefers to lead us on horseback during Woot-Offs. Charge!
* Customer Service department: all vacation requests for this week and next are approved. If you have not filed a vacation request, take one anyway.
* The little green pills in the kitchen are there to keep you alert and working. Take as many as you need. Officially, Woot does not believe in the concept of "overdose".
* Take at least one of our servers offline, just for laughs.
* Go to the landfill and dig up some more Sansa media players. If you see any Digipro Graphics Tablets (and you will), grab those, too.
* Place crap bags in company latrines so those orders can be "filled". To this end, the company will provide free lunch today from El Feo, the filthiest burrito joint in Dallas. Do your worst, guys.
* Neutralize all negative thinking among our members. We simply cannot tolerate any more posts like "do not want" or "Woot-Off killer". If electronic means like word filters and IP bans do not work, we must reactivate the rapid-response teams to physically eliminate all threats to our reputation.
* Last time, spot checks revealed that approximately 25% of products shipped are broken, incomplete, or excessively dirty. This is unacceptable. For this Woot-Off, defective shipments must make up at least 40%.
* Remind SmartPost that there's no need to hurry on these orders. Prompt delivery makes our customers spoiled and argumentative. Let them learn humility and gratitude while they wait.
Above all, we must strive to make this Woot-Off even more tedious, disappointing, and lucrative than the last one. The employee who achieves the most toward this end will be rewarded with one brown Zune. Second place: two brown Zunes.
Forward into battle! Remember: to give one's life for Woot is glorious!
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Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008